I’m down…

Last week, the first 3 days had been quite peaceful. Worrying about FYP and nothing else. On Tuesday, after many testing, I finally figured out my computer problem: the memory! It was really the best case I could expect.. haha.. I then remove the faulty memory and left my computer to be 512 until I have time to go to Bugis..


Finally figuring the cause of the strange behaviour!

On Thursday, I met Rina, Tomy, and Juli at library. They were going to JP.. and I was swayed by KFC to go to JP as well ^^;.. After a nice KFC and some shopping, I reached back room at 9pm. Upon opening email, I found an email from bank D about my job application. Strange, but I was expecting a rejection letter. But it turn out the other way round.. I was invited for interview! Should I be happy? Don’t know.. but my feeling that time was nervous.. nervous.. and it kept bugging me for the rest of the week.. T_T


KFC... With new menu: Spicy Pepper Fries~

The days after that were horrible. I (seemed to) forced my FYP supervisor to meet me on Friday… I felt guilty afterwards. Some more, it turned out that her school meeting was overrun until our discussion time.. hence she cancelled it anyway. It had been almost 2 months and I haven’t met her yet… need to meet soon to boast up my motivation for FYP. Haha..

Saturday.. I was doing B-Challenge for the whole day. Sunday.. I went to JP to buy formal shirt for interview (as well as having KFC), then again preparing for my D-Interview. I really don’t have peaceful sleeps those day.. No matter when I slept, I always wake up at 8 thinking about the D-Interview =_= hate myself for being so troubled…

On Monday… I went for the interview. It was… my worst nightmare. The interview was supposed to be 30 minutes interview.. but mine was cutted to 15 minutes.. and I definitely have no idea what rubbish I’m talking inside. I suddenly lose my ability to form sentences.. so so nervous that there is no word come out before an ‘errr’. The interviewers are 2 iron-faced men.. no smile at all.. one of the guy mobile keep ringing.. I wondered if it actually distracted me (trying to find excuse :p) well.. overall, I’m mad at myself.. what is the used of so many preparation.. if in the end I got nervous and forgot the whole thing?

After the interview, I went to bugis, have a.. tea break(?) at Yoshinoya, together with moja and adi… afterwards, going to change the faulty memory.. It was raining quite hard that time.. after getting new memory and going to pray, I went to mrt and go back..


My first time dine @ Yoshinoya

During the silent time.. I was pondering about myself… first was a self destruction.. of how bad I’m in interview.. why I can’t show confidence like what the others did.. why all the finance news I read just didn’t seem to get through my brain? Why I also so bothered with any interview call? second was a self reflection.. what am I actually looking for? Money and pride although the environment might not suits me? All these time, I have really looking only on those two.. because we never know what the environment will be. However, what if the job just didn’t match my character? This job seems to requite a lot of high level discussion as well as attention to every details… not much of coding as they outsource a lot of software.. Is this really the job I want? I can’t imagine how my job life like if the 2 interviewers become my boss.. I felt so small.. so weak.. so.. Nothing. Is investment bank really the place I want to work at?

Back to room, I felt so sleepy.. but my brain didn’t seem to calm down yet.. can’t sleep and hence pouring down some thought to lighten my brain :p.. going to have B-challenge discussion soon.. Continuing FYP tomorrow.. =]

In the changing state of my life,
Erlin.D